Recognizing those negative or un-serving parts of yourself is not very much fun. Uncovering, identifying and exploring them can be even more challenging. It takes courage to dive in and understand those parts of ourselves that we would rather not acknowledge. But once we do, we give them a voice and understand the unconscious motivations, beliefs and scripts that are attached—underneath…behind.
What do I mean? I’m talking about anything from your depression, to anxiety to a tendency to speak before you think, to negative critical thoughts or judging attitudes, to a tendency to jump to conclusions, or low frustration tolerance. I’m talking about being overly reactive, gossiping or anything you don’t like about yourself.
And instead of judging, being embarrassed, getting frustrated by them, or giving them power over you—start talking back to them. Have compassion for them, and embrace them as part of the whole, while knowing you are evolving every minute of every day.
Instead of thinking oh no! or Oh God, how stupid. Or, how will I ever ________ (fill in the blank)? With the new understanding you have, try to see them as endearing, like a family member you tolerate. Or a child you are teaching in the family of self-parts. Or even better, as a teacher pointing you in the direction you need to go.
Thank them. They are a part of the work you have chosen for yourself in this lifetime. Your lessons. Your springboards. Your messengers—nudging you to take a closer look. All lessons boil down to love. And you can’t love fully until you love yourself. Your Whole Self.
Why do you think they are flagging you down? Getting in your way? They need attention. They need to be acknowledged and attended to.
What seems like a needy child actually becomes the initiator of change and transformation. What seems like proof that you’re not a Divine being of light and love actually becomes the puzzle piece that completes the big picture of the Universal plan.
And what seems like a reason to believe you are unlovable actually makes you more lovable, when you dare to work on and share your vulnerabilities with others. Because then, they can sigh with relief as they relate. And it gives them permission to be imperfect and to stop hiding behind the mask of perfection. The more people that take off the masks, the more we see the truth and learn to love regardless– which supports our growth and invites support.
Step 1: Identify
Step 2: Accept and Tolerate
Step 3: Explore it and give it a voice
Step 4: Learn from it. See where it guides you.
Step 5 (optional): Share any of your process with someone/others
By Amy Goldbeck, R-DMT, LPC