Sara Heidbreder LCPC, BC-DMT, GLCMA
Conflict is all around us. In your relationships, family, workplace, and society itself. Most of our stress comes from conflict, and we are constantly looking for good conflict resolution skills.
I have been reading a book called “Healing Resistance” by Kazu Haga. I want to share some tips on conflict resolution that I have learned.
If you realize the conversation is stuck and not going anywhere, you might want to examine Four Types of Conflicts. It helps you see the real issues underneath emotional arguments.
Trying to achieve the same goal, but approaches are different.
Ex: A & B both want to party but cannot agree on where to go.
Mutually Exclusive Conflict
Goals are different but function together for the benefit.
Ex: A’s goal is to preserve the land. B’s goal is to protect clean water. They join the same protesting event.
Not enough resources
Ex: The school lunch was limited. Some students did not get what they wanted.
Value Conflict Different value and vision
Ex: A & B have opposite believes on parenting.
It is also essential to understand that conflicts are usually the product of layered stress. Identifying the level of conflict may help you evaluate the urgency in each conflict.
We do not want to reach the point of Overt conflict! Having too many everyday conflicts can trigger Pervasive conflict.
As much as conflict makes us uncomfortable, facing it with creativity can result in a deepening relationship. Here are three ways to have a better conversation during a conflict.
In Haga’s book, he said we need to have at least two of these conditions to have a successful conversation. For example, if the issue itself is about trust, you have to make sure you have skills to facilitate the conversation and you have a clear structure such as “everyone has five minutes to share” or “using I statements,” etc.
If you are interested in discussing your conflict and finding resolutions, contact us to book an appointment!
Haga, Kazu. “Healing Resistance.” Parallax Press, 2020.