By Amy Goldbeck, LPC, R-DMT, CHt
It seems that we are so willing to commit ourselves to someone else. And this is quite okay and can be very beautiful… there’s nothing wrong with that of course. It also seems so accepted to devote ourselves to something else, such as work, a passion, a hobby or even a Higher Power, which is fine—healthy even—and totally important under the right circumstances. But, I guess what I’m getting at is what seems less emphasized and perhaps even neglected—and that’s a devotion to oneSelf, the foundation of it all. The key to life! The secret to happiness! It’s as if we assume it’s there automatically, and we build upon it with our interests, relationships, and spirituality. But it is not automatic. It’s not always in place. It may have started that way once upon a time, but it does not sustain itself automatically. We have to work at it—internally.
So even if relationships support our true selves, and church reminds us of our spiritual nature, and hobbies are fun and creative…sometimes things change. And sometimes we change. Let’s say this person once treated you well and supported you unconditionally, but over time it’s progressed to something much darker and unhealthy. Let’s say a new leader in the church preaches in a way that you don’t agree with but you keep attending. Let’s say the things you were taught to believe, you’re now beginning to question. Or you’re making decisions for the wrong reasons. Or let’s say it’s all going just fine. We still can’t depend on these things to define us, to feed our needs, or to project an image that is satisfactory. We can’t neglect our truth. Think about what that does to a person over time!
We can go through the motions of our lives without realizing we are no longer living in a way that makes us happy or in a way that aligns with who we are. We can go on this way without even realizing that our thoughts belong to someone else. Our decisions do not honor our needs and personal truth. This can go on for years, noticed or unnoticed, and the patterns are damaging because suddenly we find ourselves lost. We forget who we are. We may start out by knowing we are giving in, taking a backseat, but we end up repeating this so much that it feels like our true choice and we come to think that we’re not worth it. Or that we are less than. And we live in this cloud of unhappiness, unfulfillment. Self-doubt. Low self-esteem. Isolation. Which becomes our reality. Some of us realize, “Wait! What am I doing?,” but that can be hard to recognize and hard to correct, because we’ve regressed and we don’t know what to trust. We have to first recognize and then do the work of sorting out which beliefs and values belong to us, and which belong to someone or something else. Then we decide. Then we act from a new place.
Oh and by the way, everyone has a right to change their mind. Yes, we change. We are evolving and that is healthy. That’s what we are supposed to do. We are here to learn, to heal, to remember who we are, so that we can help others do the same. If you’ve forgotten who you are as a powerful, loving, wise and spiritual being, I’m here to help you remember, and to help you reunite with the truth and wonder that is YOU. And if you’re already in touch with your beauty and power and unique gifts, then I invite you to model for others how to do this.
So, if we follow this through, it leads me to the idea of vows. Why don’t we make a vow to ourselves, first and foremost? So that we can really shine and be radiant in our truth and happiness. Because we ARE worth it. Why not really mark and celebrate a commitment to oneSelf? Let’s make it ceremonious by scripting and sharing our personal vows to self. Our personal commitment to never lose yourself again. To live accordingly and to always nurture yourself in whatever way that means to you. You’ll be witnessed by the online community to support and hold the courageous, powerful, and beautiful act of Vowing to Self. I challenge. I invite. What are your vows? Please share and inspire us!
Or, can I at least get an “I do!”?
Interested in recommitting to yourself with the help of a professional? Contact Amy today.